My name is Xiang Xia Dang. This is the name that was given to me by an officer of the Social Welfare Institute in Yulin, when I arrived at the orphanage in the city of Yulin, which is in the south of China's Guangxi Zhuang Region. He was responsible and very creative with the names for the children.
All the children brought to the orphanage share the same last name ‘Dang’. Those who arrived in the same month, of that same year, also received the same first name ‘Xiang’. The part of my name that is unique to me, is Xia.
There are many children in the world who share my first and last name, but only I have Xia. Xia translates to ‘facing the afterglow/sunset’, and since being adopted in the Netherlands, my name is Xiangxia van den Ham.
I enjoyed a happy upbringing in the Netherlands. When I was 12, I received my very first camera which was the beginning of my love for capturing people and moments on film. I studied Media and Culture at University, with a specialization in television studies. Growing up in a small village in the Netherlands made me question where I came from, particularly as no one looked like me. As I travelled and immersed myself in diversity and culture, I realized I felt at home in Hong Kong.
Only two years ago did I discover Mothers Choice, as I stumbled upon an article in the SCMP about Kit Ying Chan, the founder of an orphanage in China called Mother’s Love (which was Mother’s Choice sister organization). I came to Hong Kong to work as a full-time volunteer at Mothers Choice in 2018. I also wanted to produce a documentary about Kit Ying. Perhaps what drew me to producing a documentary on Kit Ying was a subconscious desire to learn more about my own story. Kit Ying, Mothers Choice, and I are all intertwined. If it wasn’t for Mother’s Choice, I don’t know where else I would search for answers for both my documentary or my own history. They have an expansive network, and they connected me to other adoptees from Mother’s Love, to my guide and even to my foster parents. This is why Kit Ying encouraged me to make the documentary about my own journey and not hers.
I recall watching a Dutch television programme called ‘Without a Trace (Spoorloos),’ which told the story of adoptees searching for their biological parents. I felt the focus was always on the reunion and the associated emotions. It's edited in a way which makes the whole journey seem so easy. But reality is not that easy. So, for my own documentary, I really wanted to focus on the journey rather than the outcome. The working title for the documentary is ‘China’s Abandoned Children, Now They're Returning’, which I feel is very poignant.
Sometimes people ask me what it's like to be adopted, but in truth, I don't know what it feels like not to be an adoptee. I have a sister who is also a Chinese adoptee, and for a very long time I copied her in every aspect of her life because she was the only person I could truly identify with. I emulated her in every way, from appearance to interests. I even played soccer for a while which, truthfully, I wasn't even good at! Eventually, I realized that I had my own interests, and that music and media were my strengths.
During my stay in Hong Kong, I had the privilege of filming for the Mother’s Choice annual gala event. I interviewed a very special family who had two adopted children, two biological children and one foster child. It was very interesting to hear about their motivation for adopting and fostering, and how the whole family felt about it. I only knew about adoption from my own point of view, and the fact that this family chose to adopt and foster when they already had their own biological children was a really heartwarming for me to learn about and to film.
I have also connected with the adoption group from Mother’s Love. I get to share and listen to others’ adoption stories, which is inspiring and helps me to grow and learn. Each one of us is at a different stage of our journey. When I initially came to Hong Kong, it was not my intention to search for my birth parents, but now I'm on that path and there's so many questions, such as ‘If I do find them, what will I do?’, ‘how would we forge a relationship?’ and maybe they don't want to have any contact at all? But I think part of it is not only looking for your birth parents, but also looking for the answers that only they can reveal. It's a gradual, step by step process.
