My Adoption Journey

Growing up, I was never interested in my adoption story, even when my biological mother reached out to me in 2012. I really wasn’t ready to meet her then, and in fact, I was rather upset that she contacted me, so I ignored it for five years until 2019.  I decided to reach out to her and to meet her that year because I was getting married in December and it was important to me to address that part of my past.  I wasn’t looking for closure but I didn’t want to stay doubtful about my past. So I went to Seoul in October 2019 with my German mother to meet my biological mother for the first time. During the trip, I met my biological mother and my two biological sisters as well. I didn’t get to meet my biological father, he didn't want to come because he was too ashamed to meet me in person. 

We all spent two hours together in Seoul including with the agency and a girlfriend who was helping as a translator since I don’t speak Korean.  It was a super, super scary experience and definitely the biggest fear that I’ve ever faced. I managed my own expectations before the meeting, so I wouldn't say I was disappointed, but I also didn’t leave Seoul with the feeling of “oh my God! I want to see her again!”  

I don't know if I’m resisting connecting with my biological mother again, or if I’m just not interested in the connection. I don’t think I’m indifferent, but I just didn’t feel anything after our first meeting, I don't have the desire to continue the relationship at the moment. I think not being able to speak the same language was a big barrier.