A Curious Sponge

I returned to Hong Kong in the summer of 1988 after graduating from the University of Guelph.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do but came across an RTHK TV show “Hong Kong Connection” that featured Mother’s Choice and was so moved by what I saw.  I immediately called to see if I could get involved, and they responded by asking me to visit them the following day. 

I vividly remember that first visit to the office in the Mid-Levels neighborhood on Hong Kong Island. I grew up on the Kowloon side and had never been to Hong Kong Island before. I thought I was very brave at the time! It really was a miracle that I found the office, as it was pouring rain that day and there were no clear paths or roads in the area around the office. 

I remember the interview as if it was yesterday, the room was full of foreigners and they were all very nice. I expected them to ask me about my studies, but instead they showed me the dormitory on the 2nd floor, where a few very young pregnant girls were living at the time. To be frank, the tour and interview were not very well organized, but I was still very impressed, touched and curious about what I saw. The girls in the dormitory did not understand a word of English, and the organizers tried very hard to talk to them in broken Cantonese. I thought to myself: “As a local born and raised in Hong Kong, I had no idea that this kind of service existed, so why do foreigners care about these girls so much?”

They offered me a volunteer job that day and asked me to come to work the next day! 

I forget how many days a week I worked at the time, but I remember every task I did including translation, taking the girls to the market, making hospital visits and cooking meals. The experience broadened my horizons and introduced me to a world I hadn’t experienced in my 20+ years of life. 

After only two months as a volunteer, I loved everything about Mother’s Choice and I had no interest in looking for another job, so I asked if they would hire me full-time. That’s how, in addition to becoming Mother’s Choice’s first local volunteer, I also became their first local employee! After becoming an official employee, I took on the job of counselor as well. This included counselling the girls, meeting with their parents, and accompanying them after the birth to bring the babies back to the Mother’s Choice childcare room. 

Originally taking care of babies was not part of my job, but I really loved the children, so I volunteered to do it by asking, “Can I move into the dormitory?”.  I really immersed myself in my work and every opportunity I got was the result of putting myself forward.

During the first few years, colleagues would often say to me, “Kit Ying, since you joined, you’ve been absorbing everything you saw, heard or experienced!”.  I think they expressed it perfectly – I was literally absorbing everything like a sponge! 

The Gift

I will never forget the first time I handed a baby to his adoptive parents. At that time, most of the adoptive parents came from abroad, and the adoption process took a long time, at least 12 months.  I still remember clearly how the adoptive parents were thanking me and Mother’s Choice with joyful tears.  That moment left a huge impact on me. These are children that I cared for in their first year of life and my feelings at that time was that it should be us thanking them – the baby had been unplanned, and his birth parents had decided that adoption was the best plan for him. 

But the adoptive parents replied that the baby was a gift from God, and they had waited for this gift for a very long time. These words completely changed my feelings and beliefs. I used to think that babies who were “given up” for adoption were lucky and blessed to have found adoptive parents, but instead, these grateful new parents looked on the child as a “gift”. The moment they said the word “gift”, my understanding of the work of Mother’s Choice changed and I saw the true meaning and purpose of my role.  I saw that I was acting as a bridge who can connect a person who was perceived as “undesirable” or “unwanted” with someone who values him or her.  My role is to help others see that every child is a gift who deserves a family.

If you had asked me in those first few months at Mother’s Choice, “Kit Ying, what is the value of the work that you do here?”, I would have said it was that I can speak Cantonese and can help translate important discussions. But after realizing the importance of my role as a bridge for children who didn’t have families and young mothers who were rejected by their communities, I had a completely new understanding of the importance of not messing things up and not underestimating myself. 

This experience – and my experiences every day even now – have allowed me see much deeper meaning in the work we do.   

Home Away From Home

I grew up as the youngest of five siblings in a loving family that was close knit, generous and hospitable. My family was very protective of me. My Mom used to say that I was shy and needed someone to look after me. Like any mother would, she accompanied me when I moved into the Mother’s Choice dormitory in 1988. 

I have three older brothers.  One of them was a policeman and one day, he and his colleagues showed up at the dormitory building with some eggs for us. Apparently, they had been given some eggs at work that day and had decided to donate them to the girls.  I didn’t know the real intention of his visit that day, but I suspect it was because my family still didn’t really understand about the work that I was doing and wanted to be reassured that I was working in a safe environment. 

They also did not realize that I was not shy when I was away from home. When I was in school, for instance, I was a natural leader. I just didn’t have the chance to shine at home with so many older siblings. Family plays a very important part in shaping a person, but once you become a young adult, you can still explore your personality away from home. 

When I was a young adult trying to figure out who I really was, I found Mother’s Choice, and it gave me a platform to reach my fullest potential and to be a strong voice for children to be in family. In particular, I met many foreigners at the office and developed strong relationships with many of them. Through my entire life, the two people who have influenced me the most are my mother, and Helen Stephens, one of the cofounders of Mother’s Choice.  My family trusted me, and they let me be my most authentic self and I am so thankful to them – my biological family and my Mother’s Choice family.